"Corresponding Foreignly" by Frank O'Hara

A treasure in this daily email from The Paris Review that feeds you a poem from its archives at some point in the morning so one can savor the poem with coffee and frame the day in its traces, if such urges strike. As one who has appreciated this treasure for several years, and who recommends it to others regularly, I encourage you to visit this page and put a check-mark next to the daily poem newsletter.

And here is the poem that appeared in my inbox on December 31, 2024, which is to say, yesterday, the final breath of the year prior, the last gasp of said annum.

Corresponding Foreignly

by Frank O’Hara

1
You may flaunt my looseness, you know
that I go whole weeks without, so, I
get depressed because I’m so easily distracted
from sex. It’s not something you can keep
your mind on without losing it.

2
Certain eases appeal to me more than the flowering quinces
and your black pear branches dripping white petals.
I’m not a pastoral type any more, I take the subway
back and forth from beds to days or bed-in-the-day-time
and if pleased am a dirty flower at the end of ragtagging
it. “I hear you were downtown last night. It was just like
old times.’’ What a thing to say in an elevator. I’d feel
rather more assured, though, if we were rolling in a field
screaming above the records and the Japanese lanterns.
I hate the country and its bells and its photographs.

3
When he went west we thought he’d be big in the movies
with his humanity kick. The others went off to another party
but we went home and forgot each other in a good talk.
Then the radiators cracked and puffed and it did get warmer
but I dreamt of an anxiety the size of a public building,
something to race your car in and waken echoes. Did
you mention that you saw me dancing with a sculpture last week
in the Bowery? It was an audition and we called ourselves “The Bananas.”

4
Four little rats came into the house
because it had grown so cold out,
and they knew they’d be allowed the run
of our lives in the winter
when the weather doesn’t favor them.

5
I met him in Los Angeles
and after weeks of feverish love
couldn’t remember what he looked like
if he was farther away than the john.
I wondered what he had done
to me. He was like a shrike.
I don’t know if it was really love
and he’s left Los Angeles.

6
I have a tic of thinking about it, if
they can really fine you for paying the rent
late. His photograph would have to be moved
to a new building, and by now it’s the size
of a mural. It would take weeks. I won’t.

The bad mommies of literature.

Without even a morsel of irony, in the year 2025, various thinkers and authors continue to indict the mothers of Rainer Maria Rilke and Oscar Wilde for ‘traumatically’ dressing their sons in 'effeminate clothing' a bit longer than was conventional, thus causing untold 'gender issues' and/or sexual 'confusions'.

It is said that poetess and Irish activist Lady Wilde dressed Oscar like a girl because she had wanted a daughter rather than another son.

It is said that Rilke's mother completely destroyed his masculinity.

It is said that the mothers damn the sons to be 'pansies' if they kiss them too often in those formative early years.

It is said that Beckett said all this misery of ours will wind up as 'an old whore walking around in an absurd raincoat, on a lonely dike in the rain'. 

Source: Victorian Web. Oscar Wilde as a child being irrevocably tormented by his mother.

Rainer Maria Rilke as a child, being destroyed by his mother.

"Walter Benjamin's Warning"

An old poem at the beginning of what may be a ‘new’ year—with all the strange feelings such newness promises.

And the context for the poem’s composition back in 2020—- this short crumb by Kafka, shadow puppets, the colored pencils of the youngest imagining her rivers.

"In an entirely indefinite fear of the indefinite": Franz to Milena.



“The original sin, the ancient wrong that man has committed, consists in the accusation, which man makes, and from which he does not desist, that a wrong has been done to him, that the original sin was committed against him.”

—  Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena, trans. Philip Boehm

Milena Jesenská was the second great love of Kafka’s life, according to the Kafka Museum, which also posits that she went on "to achieve world fame due to the letters they exchanged" — a statement that is precisely what one might expect of an institution devoted to maintaining the Kafka Industry.

Jan Jesenský, Milena’s father, was an established professor of dentistry in Prague, where he was known as a member of high society. Since Milena’s mother died when she was thirteen, her father played a large role in her upbringing, and enrolled her in the first private Czech high school for girls, the Minerva School, that is credited with shaping the “the first emancipated women intellectuals championing a new, freethinking lifestyle.” According to the Kafka Museum:

Erratic family circumstances and the emancipatory views of the Czech-German Prague intelligentsia brought this vivacious, energetic and flighty young woman who had a taste for risk into open conflict with society. In 1917, as a result of her lax behaviour and moral misconduct, her father had her confined for nine months in the Veleslavín insane asylum on the grounds of ‘moral insanity’. At the time she was having an affair with Ernst Pollak, a bank clerk from the provincial town of Jičín, well-versed in music and literature, whom she married when she came of age at 21 and left with him for Vienna. 

According to the Kafka Museum:

Ernst Pollak, dubbed ‘Kenner (wise guy) Pollak’ was a member of Franz Werfel’s circle at the Arco Café in Prague that Kafka would occasionally join. It was most likely there that Kafka first met Milena, although it was only a passing acquaintance. In Vienna, Pollak dominated the table of the regular clients at the Herrenhof Café, where even leading Austrian literati such as Hermann Broch sought him out for advice and assistance. In Vienna, Pollak also publicized the work of the then little-known Prague writer, Franz Kafka. It was he who brought Kafka to the attention of Milena Jesenská. By then her German was good enough for her to try her hand at translating shorter German texts and German translations of non-German authors into Czech. She started to send her translations to Czech newspapers and magazines, where a number of her friend worked as journalists.

Kafka’s story The Stoker was not the first work by a German author she had tried translating. As she was wont to do, she made written contact with the author about the translation of The Stoker, and their correspondence developed into an ‘epistolary novel’. Kafka also had marital designs on Milena.

Throughout 1920 letters streamed back and forth between the north Italian spa of Merano, where Kafka was convalescing, and Vienna, where Milena was living in a less than happy marriage. On two occasions they met in person. Their first meeting, in Vienna, was happy and full of promise, their second, in the frontier town of Gmünd, culminated with a lapse on Kafka’s part and marked a hiatus in their relationship. On the one hand, they were poorly matched temperamentally, and on the other, Milena was unwilling to abandon Ernst Pollak, whom she loved in spite of their marital difficulties. Kafka’s relationship with Milena ended like the two previous ones. Out of it came Kafka’s Letters to Milena, an outstanding feat of letter writing, and Milena’s translations of Kafka, the first ever into a foreign language.



AUGUST 26, 1920: ‘THE SONG OF ANGELS IN THEIR MUSIC’

On August 26, 1920, Franz Kafka writes to Milena from Prague, expressing relief that her letters "provide irrefutable proof for your being the you I carry sealed in my innermost self." Insisting that this You is true— that this You he holds of her on paper is reliable— Kafka says he will be loyal to it, even "if it should testify against me to the highest authorities." He continues: 

"I am dirty, Milena, infinitely dirty, this is why I scream so much about purity. No one sings as purely as those who inhabit the deepest hell – what we take to be the song of angels in their music."

The writer is lost in his encounter of Milena on paper, lost in her words and worlds, standing upon the threshold she symbolizes.

In another letter written on the same day, Kafka tells her that he did nothing except listen to “a very late pain working in the temples" as he pondered her letters “in agony, and love, and worry, and in an entirely indefinite fear of the indefinite," which he described as the thing “infinitely beyond” his own strength. He reads her letters in pieces, responding feverishly, feeling an affinity to her “silent laments," the the ones she doesn’t commit to paper, the ones which resemble his own. "It’s the strangest thing that even here in the darkness, we are so much of one mind,” he muses.

Kafka describes feeling enervated, raw, stung by the constant awareness of being alive. This aliveness, for him, is accompanied by dread, or the awareness that feeling alive—like being alive—ends. And he ends this train of thought by posing a question to himself, and to her: "Why can’t we accept the fact that the right thing to do is live inside this very special tension which keeps suicide suspended?"



AUGUST 30, 1920: ‘REDEEM THE WORLD’

On August 30, Kafka asks Milena (again) not to write to him every day – he fears her letters, he fears being lost and tossed on the sea of them. Yet, he cannot abstain from writing to her the next day, elucidating his belief that all humans are good, lamenting how his body refuses to accept what his mind believes, straining against his flesh which "would rather crawl slowly up the wall, then await this trial, which really would— in the sense— redeem the world."



SEPTEMBER 2 & 4 1920: ‘A WORM’

"Treating the problem of guilt seriously is one of the most senseless things on the planet," Kafka tells Milena on 2 September 1920, revisiting the reproaches her husband could hold against her, or the reproaches that others in their circle of friends might sense. 

"Even the most beautiful ones always contain a worm," Kafka says correspondence on September 4, 1920, as the correspondence with Milena thickens. 


SEPTEMBER 5, 1920: ‘NOT EVEN MY NAME’

On September 5th of 1920, Franz Kafka lays out his Kierkegaardian either/or, comparing himself to Robinson Crusoe, who signed on to the voyage that cost him everything, who undertook the journey that ended in shipwreck, yet retained a few things, namely, his island, his Friday, his fantasy of a world, and his name. Although Crusoe had his fictional name, Franz would have nothing. "I wouldn’t have a thing, not even my name, since I have given that to you as well," he writes, in the throes of his Kierkegaardian trance, unable to imagine an independence in relation to this "dependency [that] transcends all bounds." 

One can almost hear Franz look at up the window, and draw in his breath while writing the following words to Milena: 


SEPTEMBER 10-20, 1920: ‘YOU ARE THE KNIFE’

On September 10, 1920, Kafka writes to Milena: 

Nothing else is possible, for we are living in misunderstandings; our questions are rendered worthless by our replies. Now we have to stop writing one another, and leave the future to the future.

Sept. 14, 1920, Kafka to Milena again:

Aren’t our eyes made to be torn out, and our hearts for the same purpose? …everything is an exaggeration, the only truth is longing, which cannot be exaggerated. But even the truth of longing is not as much it, our truth; it’s really an expression of everything else, which is a lie.

Moreover, perhaps it isn’t love when I say you are what I love the most - you are the knife I turn inside myself, this is love.

On Sept. 18, 1920, Kafka condemns himself for making things too hard, acknowledges that his fear made it difficult to keep from catastrophizing - “I was living off your gaze,” he tells her. Milena sees him as he wants to be seen. There is no “solid ground” beneath a divine gaze. One cannot live on earth at the same time.

They had Vienna, and then the failure of the next meeting. Kafka is ill — he lists symptoms, sanatoriums, and exhaustion simmers on the surface of those letters that seem as resigned to death as they are to loss.

Believing yourself loved is not the same as living or inhabiting the difficulty of love, Kafka suggests on the evening of Sept. 20, 1920, when he looks at the speech acts of lovers, adding: “But those aren’t really lovers, they’re just grammarians.”

He dreams that she is on fire and he cannot save her: he is no fireman, and so he waits for the fireman to come and save her, because he cannot do it himself. But the Milena that survives is a wan, lifeless, sort of shadow of the self.

The “nevertheless” - this is what Kafka craves of her marriage to Pollack, the nevertheless which she articulates in her essay as why happiness is a silly goal for marriage.



JANUARY 18, 1923: ‘THE DEVIL AT THE HEARTH’

No pseudonym; no mask: Milena published “The Devil at The Hearth” as Milena Jesenská on 18 January 1923.

And Franz replied to her —-and to the devil — with a letter dated “January-February 1923,” a long letter which ends:

The evil magic of letter writing is setting in and destroying my nights, even more than they are already destroying themselves. I have to stop, I can no longer write. Oh, your insomnia is different from mine. Please let’s not write anymore.

After this —- and until his death in June 1924 —- Kafka sent only two curt postcards (one mentioning his forthcoming death) and two about notes which seem to struggle for breath, for oxygen, for life.


‘NEVERTHELESS’

In her devil piece, Milena argues that marrying for happiness is selfish, frivolous, and stupid. It is the same as marrying for money, for title, for luxury goods. “The only good reason for two people to get married is if it is impossible for them not to. If they simply cannot live without each other. No remorse, sentimentality, tragedy: it happens.”

Pollack cheated on her constantly, despite her having given him her “nevertheless” — her partnership —- that unconditionality that measured what Kafka most craved and refused of the world.

There is no way to know the person one is marrying, Milena argues. The “risks of disappointment” are endemic to the nature of marriage, and accepting them is critical to relationships. Against “the modern hysteria a la Anna Karenina,” she says, we should see each human as a world unto themselves and accept each other in order to affirm “feeling justified in being” one’s truest, least performative self. “Proof that he is loved ‘nevertheless’” - a promise not to let someone go - is more ethical and precise than the vow of romantic love until death.

Milena mocks the “miserable, shabby happiness” of the marriages in which partners sacrifice everything and have every good fortune and still can’t be happy. The vow itself amounts to the “accepting a promise that can’t be kept” and then acting victimized a year later. Because there is “a talent for being happy,” and because some find happiness in less, there is no guarantee of conditions to produce this inexplicable state. “Longing for happiness” is the cupcake of a relationship, and the rot of all teeth.


POSTSCRIPT

By the time of Kafka’s death on June 3, 1924, Milena had broken up with Ernst Pollack.

In 1925, she returned to Prague, and married Jaromir Krejeor a few years later. She joined the CP and wrote for them until 1936 when she broke with the Party after the execution of Zinowiec and Komenev in 1936. She worked to help Jews escape to Poland and was arrested in November 1939, where she was interred among others who “consorted with Jews” and shipped to Ravensbruck. She died there on May 17, 1944.

According to the Kafka Museum, “Milena went on to make her name as a journalist and led a very eventful life alongside a number of remarkable men. . . . “

Fear maps.

A few things that gathered near the shores of my mind between bird-prints, migrations, Pat Steir’s ‘fear maps", and the terror cartographies of the invisible present.

Starting with salted tail feathers and idioms, as poemed by Albert Goldbarth in four stanzas that query what it means to be stationed.

“STATIONED”, a poem by Albert Goldbarth

It's the other ones, who soon enough return
to being happy after the funeral, that are nearest
to their own deaths—in their gaiety
and everyday distraction, they're so open

and unguarded . . . anything could enter them;
could claim them. It's the ones who weep
incessantly that are saved for now, the ones
who have taken a little of it

into their systems: this is how
inoculation works. And sorrow is difficult,
a job: it requires time to complete.
And the tears?—the salt

of the folk saying,
that gets sprinkled over the tail feathers
and keeps a bird from flying;
keeps it stationed in this world.

To be kept inside the salt // of the folk saying, and Goldbarth’s marvelous enjambments, in the unguarded openness that a map forestalls. For nothing could be worse than getting lost in the land that is fear, located in each mind, differently distributed. Enter this series of fear maps by Pat Steir, or a few that caught my eye.

Here is Pat Steir’s Fear Map III (1971)— inscribed in pencil throughout drawing: "Strangespace"; "Dog"; "Back"; "Line". Steir uses all caps for these words.

Pat Steir. Fear Map III (1971)

Why the dog?

To rephrase the question: if maps are orienting devices, then does the naming serve to acknowledge the threatening creature without recognizing it? Fear is always about a particular mental relationship which may or may not be conscious. Like the part of Shawnie Morris’ poem, “Clothespins on the Line”, where clothespins are rendered better than birds because they ‘excrete’ nothing. Clothespins waste nothing.

But here is a different part of the same poem—- “Clothespins on the Line”:

I love how Morris lets the words separate, break apart, letters drifting away from each other like the “it” in the parentheses, calling the mind to consider how an apostrophe may be tucked into a parentheses, or bracketed, or italicized, and what it means to apostrophize the closed space of the mind.

Pat Steir’s Fear Map IV (1971), with “Empty” inscribed near a set; “Fear” at the bottom, along a red line.

Pat Steir, "Fear Map IV" (1971)

The black box is so eminently fear-full, so full of its own dark enclosure.

The first stanza of May Sarton’s poem, “A Parrot”, with that reversal sharpening the incline into the next stanza:

My parrot is emerald green,
His tail feathers, marine.
He bears an orange half-moon
Over his ivory beak.
He must be believed to be seen,
This bird from a Rousseau wood.
When the urge is on him to speak,
He becomes too true to be good.

And the whitening urges and contrasts of Pat Steir’s "Fear Map V" (1971)— composed with graphite, colored pencils, pastel, watercolor, and pink and black ink on paper. Inscribed in pencil in lower center of recto: "Fear Map V"; in upper left in pencil: "Fear More Happy".

Pat Steir’s "Fear Map V" (1971)

The use of superlatives in this fear map: more happy. And that tiny patch in the bottom left corner that resembles a ghosted sun barge by Twombly.

I keep thinking of how cirrus means ‘curl’ in any cloudscape, and how Steir’s use of white clouds without evoking clouds here, which may be one of the signature markings of an erasure, namely, the cloudedness that cannot be condensed into clouds, the beclouding without condensation.

*

A mixture of fear and feathers in this poem titled “Tail Feathers” (that I saved on my phone and which remains unattributed because I can’t find it by searching online) — and which opens so exquisitely . . . I arrived by rain.

Orientation for birds is accomplished by tail feathers. Usually, birds have six pairs of feathers on the tail, with each pair displaying increasing levels of asymmetry towards the outer pair, all of which are arranged in a fan shape that supports precision steering in flight. In some birds like the peacock, tail feathers have evolved into showy ornaments that are useless in flight.

Moist.
Like flames.

The tension in that implausible and totally possible image that evokes the world of school, disabling the tail feathers from accomplishing their purpose. All means of escape are ornamental in the classroom or the school corridor. The game is rotten, to mischaracterize a quote from a Concrete Blonde cover of a Leonard Cohen song. The board limits the choices that can be made. On that note, Cezanne had multiple peach-heaps that could be hiding the skull, this Still life: Assiette de pêches among them.

Keeping It Simple

by Mary Ruefle

I take the bird on the woodpile,
separate it from its function, feather
by feather. I blow up its scale.
I make a whole life out of it:
everywhere I am, its sense of loitering
lights on my shoulder.

This poem is from Mary Ruefle’s collection memling’s veil (University of Alabama Press, 1982), which happens to be the first poetry book I owned by Ruefle, and perhaps this book predisposed me to think of her as an ekphrastic poet, or one that writes in dialogue with images. I always wonder what art or illustration Mary Ruefle is studying as the poem comes together. She reminds me of Samuel Beckett in this way; or else, my suspicion that an image is being assimilated into the language. There is a magic in that—- a magic, too, in Pat Steir’s More Magical Fear Map - Map VI (1971). A mage, perhaps?

Pat Steir. More Magical Fear Map - Map VI (1971)

Mage or not, this 'more magical’ map wants arcades and tunnels somehow, and for some reason, the shape of the human-like figures linked up with a few lines by Dino Buzatti in the incredible collection of short stories, The Bewitched Bourgeois, translated by Lawrence Venuti and coming out from NYRB Classis in January 2025:

Contrary to what you supposed, we—l repeat—are happy. Happy! Happy! Drowning in an ocean of bliss! The curse that divides me! Hell! Working hard and finding oneself always with hands full of ashes. Going mad for a woman, and when you've possessed her, feeling like an empty worm. Fighting for glory, for money, for whatever demon happens to possess me, and when I've reached it, a black shadow awaits me, and all this only to die. Even marvelous vices, even poetry, even music are converted into putrefaction and poison and this is one of the fortunate talking to you, one of the very fortunate, because for the most part the others are also condemned to illness, poverty, physical hardship, stink, ugliness, vulgarity, and they too must leave even if they forget they must leave, for them too the shadow waits in the corner, behind the door, inside the wardrobe, along with nocturnal anguish and anguish in the morning, which is even worse.

The morning-after anguish is the worst. The morning after anguish is worsted from its superlatives.

[If you know who wrote “Tail Feathers”, please find me on twitter or bluesky or ruffle my feathers so that I can give this poet the credit they deserve for this marvelous poem!]

Mingus when real.

“MYSELF WHEN I AM REAL”

If any piece has drizzled through my mind this year, it has been Charles Mingus’ piano improvisation, Myself When I Am Real, the first piece on the 1964 album titled Mingus Plays Piano: Spontaneous Compositions and Improvisations, offering Mingus at his most stripped and bare, improvising across the piano keyboard, moving through musings, working two fingers on the same note in order to get that trilling effect that he will carry forward to into various compositions.

Follow the arrow and sit with it a minute.


“IN OTHER WORDS, I AM THREE”

Although Mingus usually performed on double bass, piano was central to his compositional practice and the way he related to music. Ultimately, however, there was little he did not do, and he defended this polysemic self in his defiant autobiography, Beneath the Underdog: His World as Composed by Mingus. In his own words:

In other words I am three. One man stands forever in the middle, unconcerned, unmoved, watching, waiting to be allowed to express what he sees to the other two. The second man is like a frightened animal that attacks for fear of being attacked. Then there’s an over-loving gentle person who lets people into the uttermost sacred temple of his being and he’ll take insults and be trusting and sign contracts without reading them and get talked down to working cheap or for nothing, and when he realizes what’s been done to him he feels like killing and destroying everything around him including himself for being so stupid. But he can’t —- he goes back inside himself.

Which one is real?

They’re all real.


“ADAGIO MA NON TROPPO”

In 1972, Mingus’ album, Let My Children Hear Music, was released by Columbia Records. The second track, Adagio Ma Non Troppo, obviously works the motifs introduced in Myself When I Am Real, while simultaneously playing on the classical musical notation for “slowly, but not too much”, indicating the fusion between jazz and classical that Mingus was exploring.

Mingus plays bass in the recording—-

0:53 when the guitar plucking changes the timbre . 5:27 the unexpected entry of the E flat alto saxophone which then vanishes once the flutes step in . 7:03 strings tremolo.

Trombonist and conductor Alan Raph worked as an arranger for Charles Mingus, resulting in 9 movements of music for Mingus Dances by Alvin Ailey and the Robert Joffrey Ballet Company. The third movement of music for the Mingus Dances, “Adagio ma non troppo,” was later re-orchestrated and recorded for the album Let My Children Hear Music, with Raph conducting the ensemble.

Alan Ralph’s orchestration scores for what was still titled “Myself When I Am Real”

LINER NOTES TO ‘LET MY CHILDREN HEAR MUSIC’ (COLUMBIA RECORDS, 1971)

The following liner notes written by Charles Mingus were nominated for the 1971 Grammy award—- only the liner notes, not the music they accompanied. Mingus in fact never won a Grammy award, though he was nominated four times, once for his liner notes, twice for his jazz compositions, and once for his jazz performance. What follows is Mingus.

What is a jazz composer?

Each jazz musician when he takes a horn in his hand—trumpet, bass, saxophone, drums—whatever instrument he plays—each soloist, that is, when he begins to ad lib on a given composition with a title and improvise a new creative melody, this man is taking the place of a composer. He is saying, "listen, I am going to give you a new complete idea with a new set of chord changes. I am going to give you a new melodic conception on a tune you are familiar with. I am a composer." That's what he is saying.

I have noticed that there are many kinds of composers in this so-called jazz. For instance, there are musicians who simply take rhythmic patterns and very spare notes-very limited invention melodically-and play in a soulful swinging way. Some people in the audience, when asked what they think about jazz, say, "I just go by the feeling, I go by the feeling the guy gives me." Now, whether there is feeling or not depends upon what your environment or your association is or whatever you may have in common with the player. If you feel empathy for his personal outlook, you naturally feel him musically more than some other environ-mental and musical opposite who is, in a way. beyond you.

I, myself, came to enjoy the players who didn't only just swing but who invented new rhythmic patterns, along with new melodic concepts. And those people are: Art Tatum, Bud Powell, Max Roach, Sonny Rollins, Lester Young, Dizzy Gillespie and Charles Parker, who is the greatest genius of all to me because he changed the whole era around. But there is no need to compare composers. If you like Beethoven, Bach or Brahms, that's okay. They were all pencil composers. I always wanted to be a spontaneous composer. I thought I was, although no one's mentioned that. I mean critics or musicians. Now, what I'm getting at is that I know I'm a composer. I marvel at composition, at people who are able to take diatonic scales, chromatics, 12-tone scales, or even quarter-tone scales. I admire anyone who can come up with something original. But not originality alone, because there can be originality in stupidity, with no musical description of any emotion or any beauty the man has seen, or any kind of life he has lived. For instance, a man says he played with feeling. Now he can play with feeling and have no melodic concept at all. That's often what happens in jazz: I have found very little value left after the average guy takes his first eight bars-not to mention two or three choruses, because then it just becomes repetition, riffs and patterns, instead of spontaneous creativity, I could never get Bird to play over two choruses. Now, kids play fifty thousand if you let them. Who is that good?

Today, things are at the other extreme. Everything is supposed to be invented, the guys never repeat anything at all and probably couldn't. They don't even write down their own tunes, they just make them up as they sit on the bandstand. It's all right, I don't question it. I know and hear what they are doing. But the validity remains to be seen -what comes, what is left, after you hear the melody and after you hear the solo. Unless you just want to hear the feeling, as they say.

When I was a kid and Coleman Hawkins played a solo or Illinois Jacquet created "Flyin' Home," they (and all the musicians) memorized their solos and played them back for the audience, because the audience had heard them on records. Today I question whether most musicians can even repeat their solos alter they've played them once on record. In classical music, for example people go to hear Janos Starker play Kodaly. They don't go to hear him improvise a Kodaly, they go to hear how he played it on record and how it was written. Jazz was at one time the same way. You played your ad lib solo, you created it, and if it was worthwhile, then you played it in front of the public again.

Now, on this record there is a tune which is an improvised solo and which I am very proud of. I am proud because to me it has the expression of what I feel, and it shows changes in tempo and changes in mode, yet the variations on the theme still fit into one composition. (It is not like some music I hear where the musician plays eight bars and then the next eight bars sound like he is playing another tune). I would say the composition is on the whole as structured as a written piece of music. For the six or seven minutes it was played (originally on piano), the solo was within the category of one feeling, or rather, several feelings expressed as one. I'm not sure whether every musician who improvises can do this. I think I do it better on bass, although most people in the past did not understand the range I used to play (nowadays most all bass players use this range when they solo-the full scope of the bass), because they didn't really listen, they thought I was just playing high to play high, rather than realizing that my composition began some place and developed to another. I have never struggled to be accepted as a great bassist-I imagine I could have been if I had seen my available musical goal there. If people really knew the qualification of a good bass player, they would flip-because I know thirty or forty bass players who have the technique that I have.* Whether or not they are as inventive is something else because when you study the instrument, it calls for a technique that jazz has not even begun to express yet, with the bow or with pizzicato. The full-developed bass player masters harmonics with a sense-I don't mean just scraping the bow across and making squeak sounds, I mean he can play compositions in harmonics. There are a million bowings that could and probably do duplicate a horn better. For instance, my dream has been to put basses, or maybe two basses in a reed section, in place of the baritone saxophone. I never had the chance so I could never say how it really sounds, it is only in my mind that I can say I hear it and it would work better than most baritone saxes. I had a classical student who was in the symphony in Minneapolis. He used to study through the mail and, for his lessons, I would write things for him and he would re-tape them and send them back. That was when I realized how much more could done, musically, by using the boss with the bow, by utilizing all the possibilities of this instrument.

Back to the record: the music on this record is involved with my trying to say what the hell I am here for. And similar ideas. Another one is: let my children hear music -for God's sake-they have had enough noise. But mainly I am saying: Do you really know Mingus, you critics? Here is a piece I wrote in 1939 and I wrote it like this because thought in 1939 I would probably get it recorded some day. But when you have to wait thirty years to get one piece played-what do you think happens to a composer who is sincere and loves to write and has to wait thirty years to have someone play a piece of his music? That was when I was energetic and wrote all the time. Music was my life. Had I been born in a different country or had I been born white, I am sure I would have expressed my ideas long ago. Maybe they wouldn't have been as good because when people are born free-I can't imagine it, but I've got a feeling that if it's so easy for you, the struggle and the initiative are not as strong as they are for a person who has to struggle and therefore has more to say.

Part of the reason I am a composer is that I studied composition with Lloyd Reese. Lloyd Reese taught Eric Dolphy; Harry Carney also studied with him and so did Ben Webster and Buddy Collette, to name a few. Art Tatum highly recommended him. When Art found out I was studying with Lloyd, he asked me to come and play for him. Lloyd Reese was a master musician, he knew jazz and all the fundamentals of music from the beginning. (He used to be the first alto player in Les Height's band.) And he could play anything. I remember he turned a record on to me one time. (In my era the record stores weren't crowded with The Beatles' records or rock & roll or hillbilly. They had a few hillbilly and a few records they called rhythm & blues. But it wasn't a big market then. The record stores were mainly for white people. They had classical music, I remember Richard Strauss, Debussy, Ravel, Bach, Beethoven. I remember my favorites: Debussy, Stravinsky and I liked Richard Strauss very much-the one who wrote "Death and Transfiguration.") In any case I remember one day when I came to Lloyd's house, he said: "What is this?" and he played a record, I didn't know the title at the time, but he said: "What do you think is going on in this particular movement right there?" And I said: "I don't know, man, but there's a whole lotta shit going on. There's too much to figure out." The timpani was playing and the basses were playing and the piano was playing a percussional sound with the bass- you could hardly hear the piano-and the flutes were playing syncopated chop rhythms, the trumpets were playing cock valves, and this cat said: "Well, here it is," and he took a C-Seventh chord-I remember it started on the Third, and he played E, G, B flat, and D natural, and he said: "This is what the clarinets are doing . . ." and he began to decipher down what was going on. He said: "Here's the French horn part" and it came in on G, B flat, D, F an octave down and ended A natural, which clashed against the B flat the clarinets were playing in the E, G, B flat, D natural line, and it made a beautiful sound. I said: "Whaaa? What is that?"

So I'm saying briefly that people don't know what a black man (it's nice to say black man)-people don't know what it took to make a jazz musician. In my young days, we were raised more on classical music than on any other kind. It was the only music we were exposed to, other than the church choir. I wasn't raised in a night club. I wasn't raised in a whore house (there wasn't any music in them, anyway- in the bars). Today, I don't know how they train kids musically. But my point about Reese is that if you told the average person Lloyd Reese took the music of Stravinsky off a record, he would say you were crazy. There are millions of musicians, however, who have the capability of hearing and reproducing what they hear. It wasn't called ear training; I don't know what he called it, He would just say: ''Now you take the trumpet part. Now, what's the French horn doing?" It was to show you structure, I imagine.

As I was saying, each jazz musician is supposed to be a composer. Whether he is or not, I don't know. I don't listen to that many people. If I did, I probably wouldn't play half as much to satisfy myself. As a youth I read a book by Debussy and he said that as soon as he finished a composi- tion he had to forget it because it got in the way of his doing anything else new and different. And I believed him. I used to work with Tatum, and Tatum knew every tune written, including the classics, and I think it got in the way of his composition, because he wasn't a Bud Powell. He wasn't as melodically inventive as Bud. He was technically flashy and he knew so much music and so much theory that he couldn't come up with anything wrong; it was just exercising his theory. But as far as making that original melodic concept, as Bird and Bud did, Art didn't do this for me in a linear sense. I would say he did it more in a chordal-structure sense. Bud and Bird to me should go down as composers, even though they worked within a structured context using other people's compositions. For instance, they did things like "All The Things You Are" and "What Is This Thing Called love." Their solos are new classical compositions within the structured form they used. It is too bad for us that they didn't compose the whole piece instead of using other people's tunes to work within. If they had, they would have been put in the same class as Bartok and Debussy-to anyone who knows. Bud wrote a few things and so did Bird. But they were still within the simple chord changes you were used to-either the blues (which shows how great they really were, to be able to create-with new and good melodic structures-on such simple chord progressions). In other words, if they had created anything complex, I am sure they could have upset the world.

For instance, Bird called me on the phone one day and said: "How does this sound?" and he was playing- ad-libbing-to the Berceuse, or lullaby, section of Stravinsky's Firebird Suite! I imagine he had been doing it all through the record, but he just happened to call me at that time and that was the section he was playing his ad lib solo on, and it sounded beautiful. It gave me an idea about what is wrong with present-day symphonies: they don't have anything going on that captures what the symphony is itself, after written. I'd like to write a symphony, myself, on this form-the old western form of classical music-I'd like to write a suite of three or four hours and have a solo in spots that is like Charlie Parker, with Bird in mind, playing ad lib.I think the music on this record is serious in every sense. I say, let my children have music. I said it earlier. For God's sake, rid this society of some of the noise so that those who have ears will be able to use them some place listening to good music. When I say good I don't mean that today's music is bad because it is loud. I mean the structures have paid no attention to the past history of music. Nothing is simple. It's as if people came to Manhattan and acted like it was still full of trees and grass and Indians instead of concrete and tall buildings. It's like a tailor cutting clothes without knowing the design, It's like living in a vacuum and not paying attention to anything that came before you. What's worse is that critics take a guy who only plays in the key of C and call him a genius, when they should say those guys are a bitch in C-natural. Pop music is still another story. Even tune structures are stolen. The music I've heard from the late pop groups (many of which are from England) seems to stem from a mixture of many different American composers and American music. " I Found A New Baby." "Nature Boy." "Ain't Necessarily So." I hear these tunes, certain tunes, all through The Beatles' music, for instance. I don't know if they just surround themselves with this kind of music and compose from it. But it doesn't come out ringing true to me as English composition. For instance, Schillinger used to say that you could take a sheet of music, turn it upside down-alter you wrote a cer- tain movement-eight or ten bars-copy it upside down, then copy it backwards, from the end of the page back, turn the page over and copy it backwards and upside down. This would give you eighty bars or more of the same mood without working for it. It's the same as taking a tape recorder melody and splicing it up several thousand different ways. To me that's not spiritual music. It leaves the feeling and emotion out. It seems to me that it should come from the heart, even though it's composed.

I think it is evident when a person is stealing or copying a form of music which is not his own. Other musicians recognize it, but I don't think it is important enough to them to say anything about it. Why, at least, doesn't the public, or don't the critics point it out? I heard a lot of Bird's solos in the music of this past and present rock music era. The names are not important. But what they do, more or less, is just take a melody created by a jazz soloist and put words to it. They add words to a solo with a few of the notes left out. That is what it sounds like to me and others I've discussed it with.

As I say, let my children have music. Jazz-the way it has been handled in the past-stifles them so that they believe only in the trumpet, trombone, saxophone, maybe a flute now and then or a clarinet (not too many of our "bad"- that is great-people go for the clarinet. Probably because there is not much work available for clarinetists, except for those who play in the studios). But it is not enough. I think it is time our children were raised to think they can play bassoon, oboe, English horn, French horn, lull percussion, violin, cello. The results would be-well the Philharmonic would not be the only answer for us then. If we so-called jazz musicians who are the composers, the spontaneous composers, started including these instruments in our music, it would open everything up, it would get rid of prejudice because the musicianship would be so high in caliber that the symphony couldn't refuse us.

In fact, who wants to be in the symphony anyway, nowadays? If you stop and take note of what jazz has done, and the kind of musicianship which has developed from each instrument (take the trumpet: Louis Armstrong, King Oliver, Maynard Ferguson, Cat Anderson, or the pyrotechniques of Dizzy Gillespie; you never hear that kind of high- note playing in symphonic works), it becomes obvious that it has made each player a virtuoso. That is probably why most European musicians now choose to be jazz musicians rather than classical players because they are always proving that the instrument can do more than is possible. I mean, the range has doubled in octaves. For instance, Stravinsky wrote a piece for a high trumpet. He used a special trumpet-a piccolo trumpet-to play high, but Cat Anderson played off the piano with an ordinary trumpet-played higher than the piano goes, higher than piccolos. So do Maynard Ferguson, Snooky Young, Ernie Royal, Louis Armstrong, King Oliver, Freddie Webster, Dizzy Gillespie, Fats Novarro, Clifford Brown. Hobart Dotson, Kenny Durham.

There are many other instruments besides the trumpet which jazz musicians have made do the impossible. And they can play, for hours on end, technical, involved, difficult, educated lines that have melodic sense. They are all virtuosi. The same goes for string bass. The same goes for saxophone, although it is not used much in symphony. But anything Milhaud has done in classical music, McPherson and Bird, alone, do with ease as well as human warmth and beauty. Tommy Dorsey, for example, raised the range of the trombone two octaves. Britt Woodman raised it three. And take Jimmy Knepper. One of his solos was taken off a record of mine and written out for classical trombone in my ballet. The trombone player could barely play it. He said it was one of the most technical exercises he had ever attempted to play. And he was just playing the notes-not the embellishments or the sound that Jimmy was getting.

That about covers it.

Let my children have music! Let them hear live music. Not noise. My children! You do what you want with your own!

–Charles Mingus

*[Which, incidentally, brings to mind another thought; along with the jazz hump music and nigger contests, there has never been a contest to decide who is the King of the Trumpet in the Symphony. Or who is the Best Violin Soloist-Jascha Heifetz, Yehudi Menuhin, Isaac Stern, Salvatore Accardo? Or which is the Best String Quartet of the Year-Budapest or Juilliard?]

One million reasons to look at the Mingus website + aeons of gratitude to them for providing these materials and nurturing Mingus’ legacy.

Delusions are grandeur.

“Why don’t you develop a narrative arc in this essay?”

I am still thinking about this question, and my relation to linearity, MFAs, schools of thought, aesthetics, the gamut.

When first posed to me, the question felt aesthetic—- and one might say the answer begins there, in that hunger for beauty that relieves us of disorder, messiness, and discomfort. Nothing assuages like the elegance of clean lines; the affect is classical, sculptural, secure in its relation to time. Even darkness is groomed, streamlined, and poured into little black dresses that provide a form, a template, for how we adjudicate the value of complexity.

My initial response to the question riffed on constellations, or clusters of details that can be combined to find a figure. Unlike the endpoint or finale, the figure cannot lay a claim to being the only thing in the constellation. The figure is simply the seen thing, the discernible, limited by the gaze of time, place, subjectivity, culture, etc.

But a generalization glosses the failure to answer.

*

Gabor Peterdi, Angry Sky

Vienna, 1904. Dots coalesce as a series of silences that mark the creative work. Composer Arnold Schoenberg is annoyed by how classical music resolves itself predictably, and how form depends on that resolution. Such romanticism ignores the world as Schoenberg saw. He wanted to depict a world in which hope was continually dashed and destroyed by irresolution. Closure, for him, was an illusion. 

What became the 'Vienna School of Music' was credited with the swerve towards atonalism— and the destruction of respectable romanticism. But no one studying in Vienna planned this.

One student of Schoenberg, Anton von Webern, wound up changing musical structure by refining it in accordance with experimental ideas. Webern's first composition was titled Five Pieces. In 1913, Webern presented this piece, his Op. 1, to Alban Berg with the following dedication: "Non multa sed multum, how I wish that could apply to what I offer you here." The Latin phrase he quoted means "little in quantity, much in quality." 

Brevity, the use of silence, and the stretching out of intervals characterized Webern's  aesthetic. Notably, his longest composition, Cantate (Opus 31), lasts only eleven minutes. Decades later, the French theorist Roland Barthes read a connection between Webern's compositions and Cy Twombly's paintings. At the time, Barthes was reading John Cage's For the Birds: In Conversation with David Charles. In case this constellation isn't visible to you, I will add that Theodor Adorno's music teacher, Alban Berg, was also Schoenberg's student. Adorno went on to co-found the Frankfurt School of critical theory who studied the world based on the constellations between events. 

*

Washington, DC, 2000’s. Returning briefly to Schoenberg's view that closure was illusory, which is to say, a facet of expectations created by form, something akin to a little machine that works on formulas and provides the desired resolution, I think the illusory is often packaged and sold to us in the much more solid, hardened delusions of eschatology. Frank Fukuyama's The End of History, for example, absolved many thinkers of critical thought during the Clinton years. The difference between an illusion and a delusion surfaces in the relationship we establish between what is and what 'has come to pass'. At its best, Critical Theory interrogates the illusions that have been accepted en masse, and become widespread delusions. Fake news speeds up the process and, in so doing, scatters the potential for critical analysis.

Theory that soothsays from the premise of finitude is always implicated in the metaphysics of the infinite. But the implication is sustained by concretizing the illusory.

Infinity and nothingness are not the termination points defining a line. Infinity and nothingness are infinitely threaded through one another so that every infinitesimal bit of one always already contains the other. The possibilities for justice-to-come reside in every morsel of finitude.

—- Karen Barad

The little black dress is easy on the mind. Elegance asks nothing whatsoever of the beautiful, horrible darkness. One must get messy. Unequivocally, one must fuck around to find out. Stigmatizing disorder is not unrelated to the punishment of transient persons or nomadic lifestyles. The little black dress is nothing if not the queen of hard borders.

13 notes on silver.

1

I woke up with Marina’s silver bell in my mouth. The tin jangle of it, metal on tooth. I sealed my lips tight for safekeeping and carried it through coffee and work, before wandering back to my notebooks to see if it was a “real” bell, a roil of real peels as opposed to a merely imagined one. There —-in an excerpt of Marina Tsvetaeva’s “Poems for Blok”, as translated Ilya Kaminsky and Jean Valentine —- dated April 15, 1916 (all those strange timbres coalescing around my birth-date again), Marina speaking to Aleksandr Blok:

“Poets are not born in a country,” Ilya writes. “Poets are born in childhood.” And childhood is a separate country distinguished by its literature, the heaps of Proustian madeleines and Michel Leris’ “once upon a time” sidling up next to Benjamin’s storyteller.

2

According to a 3rd century treatise on rivers and mountains (possibly written by Plutarch), there is a stone in Lydia called argrophylax that frequently gets mistaken for silver. The stone is hard to distinguish because “it is intimately intermixed with the little spangles of gold . . . found in the sands of the river.” What makes argrophylax is “one very strange property” that causes wealthy Lydians to place it right under the threshold of the treasurehouses where they store their gold. The stone is said to protect the gold from theft by emitting a trumpet-like sound whenever robbers draw near, thus causing the thieves to believe that they are being chased. Not only do the thieves run away without robbing the rich, but they also flee and fall over precipices and thus come to a violent death.


3

Sharp click of a cocked gun. Tick-tick of nails scraping the hardwood.

A dance beginning in the light click of hooves at night, accumulating in that desire to run farther and faster over a meadow without pausing to catch my breath. I guise my urge to gallop fastidiously, bury it in my relationship to dance.

Have always buried it in particular gestures—- the cocked elbow of hand on hip, the curl of the fingers, the conviction that speed makes one invulnerable, unbreakable. “Moving too fast is a way of refusing to wait for the duende to rise,” my teacher told me.

4

People say the past is another land you can’t visit. They say this while holding a dragon whose name is Leaf Blower. One gets cul-de-sacked into conversations with people who think the world is the same but different. It stings to say no. Pain extends the distance between what must be done and the doing. Time being a way of making things feel far. Building dimension. Your tramp, my bolero. Theory is repertoire of ways to draw lines through the same land. A palm ties a face to hand.

On the sidewalk with ailing bikes, a dead end I can’t describe.

A chain-link fence worn by the house like a pair of fine cufflinks.

The past dangles from my neck like the highways to hell in marking the hips of nude silver mermaid with outrageous nipples purchased on Coney Island. The past is a mermaid who measures time in twitches. She begins her lascivious dance against my throat least expected. The past is a necklace offensive to nice liberal mothers.  But a necklace is not another land. Not for this hand. Holding papers. A hand that fries eggs for breakfast. What’s past is a plural. Moments dangle like aluminum cans from the bumper of narrative bodies. 

5

Titled “Scene with Two Pinecones and a Baba” — that silver platter.

Stuck made three versions of Salome, all finished in 1906.

Unlike Stuck, I wrote the one-act plays after staring at his Salomes.

The versions. The left platter is gilded; but the silver platter on the right is the one required by the scene. It is the visible Salome, or the Salome made available for the purpose of the one-act play, even though that Salome is useless to me, since the scene was composed in relation to the golden painting, the horribly jaune-tinged Salome. The way her golden hand waits atop the green, sequin-studded slope of her hip, —- speaks to the dance.

(And besides, I tell myself, argrophylax isn’t pure silver. Argrophylax is silver screwed through with the spangles of riversand gold.)

7

In the sixth minute of Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings”, the silver ring on my finger melts. No matter where I am when listening to it, this happens every time. In that sixth minute. The melting.

8

It’s not just my hands; though, if forced to describe them I’d confess that they are unladylike— have always been resolutely unladylike, or to quote a young student: “Your hands look like they belong to a small man.” For the world is filled with small men and my hands belong to them. Even a student can see this. A student with eyes like blue bagpipes, summoning something merry from me. How easy it remains to be made merry by music, by bows and strings and percussion dissolving into its deep blue notes. The rest can be ruined—- language, another obfuscatory veil that hardens into velour, gains a sturdiness and heft, when we start to believe it.


9

HE: I found this sheet of paper on the nightstand and wanted to check before tossing it.

ME: It’s a receipt.

HE: Yes, but you wrote something on it.

ME: What?

HE: It says “velvet hangover”—

ME: Don’t look at me like that. I was making a note about something I read. David Williams. “Trümmerliteratur Redux.” Rubble-lit.

HE: (holding paper and waiting)

ME: Toss it.

10

On the train back from New York, 24 hours with no claims upon my time. At first, I laid words next to each other and listened to see if they vibrated differently when the wheels bumped over old bridges. I wanted to make Silver sigh.

After gulping up a bit of night at a station in Virginia, the scent of cold autumn leaves clung to my jacket and accompanied me back to my cabin, where the notebooks waited to be touched with that non-teleological tenderness Leo Bersani described. The notebooks have always been patient. That’s why I kiss them before lifting the pen and glancing briefly at the hand— the sparkling greenish fingernails, the hue and crackle of Salome’s skirt. Alex (who is quite irresistible in her suasions) painted them and for a moment, I am surprised to see my hands, the fingernails colored, possibly even ladylike at a distance. Hands belonging to small men.

11

On March 9, 1915, one day after arriving in Petrograd, the poet Sergei Yesenin visited Alexsander Blok and regaled him with declamations from his own poems. On that night, he was introduced to other poets, including Sergey Gorodetsky, Nikolai Klyuev and Andrei Bely. Blok promoted Yesenin’s poetry and helped start his literary career as a “peasant poet.”

One month later, among the early blooms and late snows of April 1915, Tsvetaeva penned the “Poems for Blok”—- the source of this silver bell.

12

My October train from New York to Birmingham meets a train plunging through a different October, on a continent, in the year 1917. Marina Tsvetaeva is riding from Crimea to Moscow. The Bolshevik Revolution had just taken place; her husband Sergei Efron, joined the Whites as they regrouped for one final stand on Don. Overnight, the money she had saved and inherited vanished, making it impossible for Marina to survive with her two children alone in Moscow as disease, starvation, and war ravaged Russia. But for now, Marina is taking the train back to Moscow, and hoping that her husband will be spared death.

Like any poet on a train (or a bus or a park bench or a dentist’s office), Marina began writing an essay. In this case, the essay unfolded from an opening that directly addressed Sergei, whom she calls Seriozhenka (or S.). "Should God grant this miracle —leave you among the living, I shall follow you like a dog," she began — before veering into a swarm of impressions and words overheard from the Russians riding the train beside her. Notably, the voices are spliced and collaged together without any transition or naming of speakers. It is the babble, the disaggregated masses, a paean to modernism.

What follows is an excerpt from “October on the Train" (Moscow, October- November 1917). Presumably, Tsvetaeva’s own thoughts are indicated by the absence of quotation markets to bracket them:

“Stenka Razin, I'm no Persian princess, but I’ll give you a ring – silver – as a keepsake.” 

“Look: a two headed eagle, wings spread, that is: guitarist 10 Kopec piece in a silver frame. Will it fit your hand? It will. My hand isn't lady like. But you… Don’t understand hands: the form, the nails, the breed. You understand the palm (warmth) and the fingers (grasp). You’ll understand a handshake.”

“It’s always comrade, comrade, but people still have their own names, don’t they. Maybe you’ll tell me what your name is?”

"Yes, yes, at all the Kremlin receptions.… Because you know, people are people everywhere. Everyone wants to enjoy himself after work. All these executions and shootings…"

The entire Russian intelligence is in these baskets!  I need to think about something else. I have to understand that all of this is a dream. After all, in dreams everything is backwards, so… Yes, but dreams do have their surprises: the handle could fall off… Along with the hand.

(Everyday life is a sack: with holes. And you carry it anyway.)

Anxiety about my foot masks the meaning of the threats. My foot –  comes first… Now, when I find my foot… And, oh joy: it’s found! Something hurts — somewhere. I pay close attention. It’s there, it’s there my darling! Somewhere far away, deep… The pain sharpens, unbearable now, I make a desperate effort…

But the oak is uprooted: next to me, like a smokestack (neither stocking nor shoe is visible) is my vital, righteous, 2nd foot.

Yes.

—-“(Everyday life is a sack: with holes. And you carry it anyway.)” Bury me in this line; fold my hands inside its coffin brackets.

12

After the Whites were defeated, Sergei could not stay in Soviet Union. He was a wanted man. So he fled to Europe, leaving Marina to search out his fate in Russia. It was Ilya Ehrenberg who told her that Sergei was alive, and living in Berlin. Marina set out to reunite with him, and arrived in what was now the Weimar Republic, her first stop among many European cities where she would live for the following decade. Berlin, Prague, Paris…. the Efrons built a life in Europe. But Sergei was homesick for Russia.

Maybe it was idealism, maybe it was reckless folly: Efron set out to be repatriated and began spying for the NKVD, hoping to secure a return to his homeland. To shorten a long, complicated story, the NKVD ordered Efron to return to Moscow, where he was held in a dacha under house arrest until his formal arrest on 10 December 1937. It’s not clear how much Marina knew about her husband’s doings with the secret police. Nor is it clear that she knew he was spying for the Soviets and had been compromised.

So, the year reads 1939 when Tsvetaeva and her son board a train to Moscow, hoping to be reunited with Efron and perhaps Adriadna, her daughter.

While sitting on the train, Marina re-read some of the notebooks she had packed, and came across the essay titled “October on the Train" that she had written more than a decade earlier.

“I’ll give you a ring – silver – as a keepsake,” a passenger had said in a different world, the world preserved in her notebook.

Should God grant this miracle —leave you among the living, I shall follow you like a dog. She had written these words. She read them aloud as the wheels moved over the tracks and then, staring intently at this line, Marina lifted up her pen and inked the following note in the margins: “And here I am, following him – like a dog [21 years later].”

13

April 14, 1930. Moscow, an apartment in Lubyansky alley. The final night of Vladimir Mayakovsky’s life.

What would you write if this were to be the last poem your hand offered to a page? What would you say to the eternity that will be April?

Mayakovsky:

She loves me, loves me not. I pluck my hand
and throw my torn-off fingers away,
like the games with stray daisies
you tear up and discard each spring.

A shave and a haircut will show my gray hair;
I want the silver of years made very clear.
I hope and believe I will never attain
the shame of common sense.

It’s past one o’clock. You must be fast asleep.
The silver river Oka in the night
Is just the Milky Way.
I’m in no hurry; no need to send
Telegrams to wake and worry you.

I want the silver of years made very clear, the evidence of what living costs us.

Knock on wood I finish the Ariadna poems. Maybe I’ll clean up the essay that is a sack with holes, sculpt shape that can carry the holes hiding inside Tsvetaeva’s as both speakers are swallowed by the trains returning them to their lives. A bird in my hand— and hers. Your name thrown like a stone into the lake of the things I’ve written and hidden. One more silver river in the night disguised as the cosmos.

Agamben, and the self-portrait of notebooks.

This was the life assigned to me
I don’t know how

— Fanny Howe

You ask me how I write. This is how I write. I get rid of the lizard.

— Leonard Cohen

Yesterday, in the span of a few hours, I read Giorgio Agamben’s self-portrait (now in book form; excerpted on the wonderful blog of Paris Review). Parked less than 12 miles from the house the owns my time, my mind, my body. There is nothing unique about these demands. The only uniqueness came with the reprieve of the book—- and the longing that crawled over my shoulders as ambulances flew past and joggers sought their daily adrenaline from the city sidewalks.

A highlight to mark a hesitation:

Among things from the intersections of yesterday’s notebooks, scribbled in a parking lot in Birmingham, Alabama, between pages of Agamben’s self-portrait and the uncertainty of my own.

I have many times thought about writing a book that was only the proem or postlude of a missing book. Perhaps the books that I have published are something of this sort — not books but preludes or epilogues. (Agamben) I winced. Like blinking away the thought that hurts. As if to pick it up with a tiny pincer and drop it outside on the asphalt. The feeling of touching, not touching. Flamenco, and what the dance wants . . . is nothing like writing. The dance seeks to avoid the hand that could slow it or mold it; heat is the friction of what could happen. But you can smell the other dancer; they are not an abstraction. “Tangibilia”; from tangibilis, "what can be touched, is palpable." On the object reduced, tamed, made familiar by the encyclopedic enterprise. Margins where semiotics creep in.

A writer's secret lies entirely in the blank space that separates the notebooks from the book. Hypervigilance; hygiene of grammar when editing begins. Will do nothing with October’s Sacrifice to Priapus. So-called. As if naming itself provides evidence of its existence.

Notebooks as a form of study and study as essentially unfinished. Bowie, no end to “the heart’s filthy lesson.” Filth assumes any form it can find. Messy; consigned to the pile of disorder and decadence. “Essentially unfinished.” And then —- shadows on tiny feet, speaking immaculate French. Roland Barthes, eyeing the word, “deliberation”; making a heading of it. Offering that word in a section in The Rustle of Language: "I can rescue the Diary on the one condition that I labor it to death, to the end of an extreme exhaustion, like a virtually impossible Text: a labor at whose end it is indeed possible that a Diary thus kept no longer resembles a diary at all." Barthes mounting a stallion to ‘rescue’ the Diary that is his love; the text that is Love entire. Dante and his friends grinning inside Vita Nuova, whispering, “all he needs is a 9 and he’s nailed it.”

The 'form of the research' and the 'form of the exposition', notes and draft are not opposed to one another: in a certain sense the finished work is also itself a fragment and research project. Formal variants on the use of the heading to behead the rest. What deliberation does to the body (Barthes’ corpus). This rustling, wrestling, wondering what will be left of the magic once the grammar is tied for consumption. Setting the table with forks, knives, and good manners. Saving the Diary requires one to decapitate it. Headless, as in ‘no trace of the “I” that Walter Benjamin avoided, for fear of not seeming scholarly.’ Head at one’s feet, as in rolling around. As if droll up the rigor that feigns invisibility to slip into the aesthetic of authority. A podium voice needs a plural pronoun that establishes itself in neutrality. Or a tweed jacket and effacement. Yi-yun Li’s line, something to the effect of "sometimes a man sees better once he learns how not to be seen." I’m paraphrasing. Picking up pieces that inch across the windshield. A man carrying an umbrella on a sunny day; his other arm in a cast.

As in music, every ricercar ends in a fugue, but the fugue is literally endless.

Dice. No dice. Enter the music of silence as scored by John Cage. Enter Baudelaire’s flaneur, a stranger to his own cityscape. Enter Georges Simmel turning the study of alienated Parisians into sociology. Put Rilke, Walter Benjamin, Derrida, in the margins. “A page of the album is moved, deleted or added according to chance–this chance that it is precisely the function of true literature to abolish,” Jacques Scherer wrote in The Book of Mallarmé. Because those dice must be on the table.

So arduous is the task of the poet—being skinned alive in order to sing.

Bonnard's yellows.

 I have all my subjects to hand, I go back and look at them. I take notes. Then I go home. And before I start painting I reflect, I dream.

—-Pierre Bonnard 

“One cannot have too much yellow,” said Pierre Bonnard. Yellow, for him, was the color of light—- and he used to warm and enliven landscapes, to complicate interiors, and to saturate spaces and figures with emotional resonance. If Bonnard had a thumbprint, it would be yellow. His layering of brushstrokes to emphasize color paved the way for the great colorists of abstract expressionists like Mark Rothko.

What follows is a few of Bonnard’s yellows organized chronologically, as well as commentary by art critics. The commentary isn’t matched to the painting, but I wanted to leave that tension in between the piece and the possibility so as not to provide a definitive “first reading” for any of these.

Pierre Bonnard, The Port of Cannes (1926-7)

“There is a sense of the picture plane, beginning on the bridge of our nose, much in the way reading glasses change the way we see, resting on the nose, looking over, looking through and looking at our own nose itself. Could it be that Bonnard’s pince-nez triggered this vision? In the in-focus, out-of-focus drawings and paintings of Bonnard, the deep space is flattened, near forms are volumetric, and the negative spaces operate as both flat and spatial simultaneously. All this is made more apparent through the possible subtle use of his eye-glasses shifting positions. It is with a single adjustment of his spectacle frames that he could see, say, a bunch of grapes, flattened and unified, and then, conversely, volumetric and spatial, with the individual grapes revealed, and the apex of the nearest grape to the painter’s eye defined.” (Graham Nickson)

Pierre Bonnard, Self-Portrait (The Boxer), (1931)

“There is always color, it has yet to become light.” (Bonnard)


Pierre Bonnard, The Workshop with Mimosa (1935)

It’s interesting to contrast this intense warmth with a more pastel-hued glimpse of this painting.

Pierre Bonnard, Dining Room on the Garden (1935)

“The time in the paintings is also deepened by furtive movements and rustlings, mostly thanks to Bonnard’s figures. They often seem to shift about, partly because we can look right at them for a while before we actually see them. Our shock that they have been there all along, or have just arrived, somehow prolongs the painting into an event.” (Roberta Smith)

“It is in the later drawings that we see him using an innovative lexicon of marks, which are made up of loops, squiggles, spirals, dots, dashes, ticks, circles, crosses, zeds and horizontals, diagonals, and vertical variants. These variable marks constitute a language for him to “speak” to the image and color. In the rarest of circumstances, black and white can suggest or imply color.  One thinks of certain Van Gogh drawings for example, where the intensity of the black against the white has a color potential. If we look at a lot of Bonnard’s later drawings, the landscapes in particular, we feel the potential of these marks as metaphoric of certain color. Most importantly, the marks held information for Bonnard. The drawings carry form and space, a sense of scale, and of course, image. Bonnard would use an eraser to add to the confection of space opening up forms. Often, the drawings have a density of application and a highly charged intensity of feeling. Nearly always the late drawings have context — that is, a subject of enquiry and its context relative to its environs.” (Graham Nickson)

Pierre Bonnard, Nude in an Interior (1935)

 

Pierre Bonnard, The Garden Steps (1940)

“Working simultaneously on several unstretched canvases tacked directly to the wall, he painted largely from memory with the help of quick sketches and watercolors, burnishing his motifs until they approached incandescence. He said that painting from reality distracted him from the task of making the painting a freestanding entity.” (Roberta Smith)




Pierre Bonnard, Self-Portrait

“In Self-Portrait (1938-40) the left spectacle lens has a small, very powerful negative shape of light isolated by the frame of the glasses. Bonnard’s eye literally views light in a ying-yang, color-chiaroscuro confrontation. Next to this is a barely perceptible, yet significant, sharp mark of depiction of the spectacle frame’s edge – it is a pencil mark embodied in the paint.” (Graham Nickson)

Pierre Bonnard, The Last Self-Portrait (1944-1945)

“In many works we have a strong feeling that we are ‘in’ the space of the represented image. That nearness is a very strong element in a lot of the work. We are taking tea with Marthe, we are passing the cream to her, we are taking the bread roll from the basket, an apple from the compotier. Even in the self-portrait we are rinsing the safety razor.” (Graham Nickson)

Pierre Bonnard, Picking Cherries (1946)

I have all my subjects to hand, I go back and look at them. I take notes. Then I go home. And before I start painting I reflect, I dream.

—-Pierre Bonnard 

Addenda and other butterflies to chase . . . The yellows in Bonnard’s late interiors. The relationship between Les Nabis, whom Bonnard helped to cofound, and the yellows. Bonnard on painting and light as glimpsed by an artist wandering through an exhibit.

Yellows.

What is erotic is the human ruin, and the contamination of pity by a delight in destruction.

—- Michael Wood

After I had left for good, all I really needed to do was to describe the place exactly as it had been. That I could not do, for that was impossible. And that is where poetry might begin.

— Larry Levis, "Eden and My Generation”

MONSTROSITY surrounds itself in idioms, as the photo caption above reveals. One is left to wonder what qualified as the monster for this well-dressed fellow who establishes his competence in the usual Western gear. Of course gear can become idiomatic to the world of the story. 

I.

YELLOW refers to the primary color between green and orange in the spectrum. It is a subtractive color complementary to blue. A few variations include: lemon, “ROTHKO YELLOW”, YOLK, SAFFRON as in the dress of Fragonard’s “A Young Girl Reading” (1776), many others.

2.

Light-absorbing CAROTENOIDS provide the characteristic yellow color common to autumn leaves, corn, canaries, daffodils, and lemons, as well as egg yolks, buttercups, and bananas. Carotenoids eat light.

3.

When the Sun nears the horizon, sunlight has a slightly yellowish hue due to the ATMOSPHERIC SCATTERING of shorter wavelengths like green, blue, and violet.

4.

YELLOW OCHRE was one of the first pigments used by humans to make art. The YELLOW HORSE in France’s Lascaux cave is 17,000 years old.

5.

A SYLPH is a playful spirit of the air that is also one of the posthumous forms assumed by a deceased coquette. The word comes from the Greek silpho meaning BEETLE LARVAE.

6.

“A rose by any name other would smell as sweet” — a line of poetry that has become a cliche. Like “roses are red, violets are blue,” the repetition of romantic symbols rely on cliche. “THE ROSE” by Ben Lerner plays into this idiomatic language while invoking his grandmother’s name.

7.

In an interview, Marguerite Duras spoke about her "FILM OF VOICES" that sought to give weight to women speaking. The voices shape space in relation to sound, but they also hint at a sort of disassociation. The voices of women "are linked by desire" for each other, Duras said, even though we "do not know we exist", and do not realize that others hear us. 

8.

"This GLOSSOLALIA disseminated in vocal fragments includes words that become sounds again," wrote Michel de Certeau, bringing resonances to include "the reminiscences of bodies lodged in ordinary language and marking its path, like white pebbles dropped through the forest of signs." In the POETRY OF THESE “QUOTED FRAGMENTS” sustained by the energy of their own dissatisfaction, their unfinishednesss and incompleteness, what persists is the sense of possibility inherent in language and human relations. Fragments gesture towards continuance so that the text, itself, evinces what de Certeau calls the "resonances" of a touched body— "ENUNCIATIVE GAPS in a syntagmatic organization of statements." Certeau likens these gaps to "the LINGUISTIC ANALOGUES OF AN ERECTION, or a nameless pain, or of tears," which is to say, "the expressions of remembering," and the body awakening to "indebted speech."

9.

Elsewhere in Duras, SILENCE intones the instant when he touches her. It marks the UNSPEAKABILITY of the thing that has happened. "Cries and tears: an aphasic enunciation of what appears without one's knowing where it came from (from what obscure debt or writing of the body), without one's knowing how it could be except through the other's voice," writes Certeau. These "contextless voice-gaps," the seams in "citations of bodies," imply the existence of another dialogue. And this implication, or the act of suggesting, ratifies and insists on the existence of the secret thing.  

10.

I suspect we are all imagined by our readers. I suspect we co-create each other from RESONANCES and ECHOES. The key to both is the play on recognition.

11.

Ancient Egyptians used yellow ochre or the brilliant ORPIMENT (a.k.a. arsenic trisulfide) in their tomb paintings. Like poets, they free-associated a relationship between yellow and the imperishable, eternal, indestructible mineral, GOLD. Gods had skin and bones composed of gold. A small paintbox with orpiment pigment was found in the tomb of King Tutankhamun. In Egyptian art, men were always shown with brown faces, women with yellow ochre or gold faces.

11.

The early Christian church associated yellow with BETRAYAL and JUDAS ISCARIOT, so it was used to mark heretics.

12.

Like the romantic composers who borrowed colors to evoke tone, J. M. W. Turner used yellow to create moods and emotions. Turner’s painting Rain, Steam, and Speed – the Great Central Railway is dominated by glowing icterine clouds.

13.

CHRONOSYNCHRONICITY is the presentation of all stages of a person's life in a single piece of art. Everything at once; synchronized time. Samuel Beckett often plays into this temporality. John Berger wanders in and out of time in his essay, “THE COMPANY OF DRAWINGS”.

14.

NOTHING is a motif in the writing of Donald Barthelme who borrowed it from Samuel Beckett who borrowed it from its plethora, namely, EVERYTHING. Bartheleme’s “NOTHING: A PRELIMINARY ACCOUNT” opens with YELLOW CURTAINS, or their negation.

15.

Tony Wood described “KONSTANTIN MELNIKOV’S SONATA OF SLEEP” in an issue of Cabinet. There is “A GOLDEN BEDTIME STORY” about the painting Melnikov’s son created to recollect the golden bedroom of his childhood.

16.

Psychopaths are great charmers, said Charles Baxter in “ON DEFAMILIARIZATION”. But understanding what made John Ashbery’s poetry great requires a sort of respect for cliche and capacious deployment of defamiliarizing techniques, as Baxter explains.

17.

In response to Donald Barthelme’s most avowedly ‘political’ piece of writing, William Gass wrote his own short version of “THE BARRICADE” that serves as an informing idiom in Barthelme’s.

18.

Greg Gerke plays misunderstanding and overdetermined expectation in “ISSUES” & “CAREFUL”.

19.

The image above is the beginning of “THE CONNECTION” by Daniil Kharms, which continues as a list story.

“PHILOSOPHER!” is a fantastic interpellation, and interpellations call the reader out of the familiar with an ABRUPT direct address. Unsurprisingly, the word abrupt shares energy with RUPTURE, which is exactly why abrupt things feel threatening and why they should be used as often as possible to make the reader uncomfortable.

20.

Genre differences remain at the forefront of many literary spats. For those who are deeply invested in the micro-spat, William Knelles has written “MICROFICTION: WHAT MAKES A VERY SHORT STORY VERY SHORT”.

Cezanne's clock.

October 14, 1907. Paris, France.

While his wife and child remain at the art colony, Rainer Maria Rilke spends several months in Paris. On this particular date, he is studying an early still-life by Paul Cezanne titled The Black Marble Clock (1869). The painting belonged to Cezanne's friend, Emile Zola.

Later, the painting would move to other private hands before winding up back in Paris, where it currently resides with a rich person. This is what paintings do. But don’t let it distract you from The Black Marble Clock.

The world of the painting: The Black Marble Clock (1869).

What does Cezanne include in this still-life?

An inventory of objects might mention the half-dressed table; a folded white cloth on the surface; a tea cup and plate; one lemon; a large seashell or maybe a dish; one crystal vase or candle stick that seems to hold a reflected object; large black clock looming the background, two vases visible on top of it . . . and whatever else I've missed or misread.

The painting seems to get richer the longer one looks at it.

The story it tells depends on the palette Cezanne selected; the painting would not be the same if the colors had developed differently. This leads me to the obvious question, namely, what colors feel essential to this palette? What role does light play in diminishing or expanding these colors?

It seems as if the whites of the fabric tablecloth get plucked up to resonate in the multiple objects. The darker accents also reappear inside these same objects and across the dark background, in that space where contrast emerges between those burnished portions that resemble a coppery gold. 

Let's go through what we know of the poet who is studying this painting. Let us mention, too, how we know this, and the context in which this knowledge is gathered.

I often resort to this practice when beginning an essay or a review: a simple dialogue between the writer and the page about the nature of knowledge expressed in the text.

How do we know what we know?

And what do we mean when we say that we know it?

We know what Rilke thought of this painting because he described it in a letter to his wife, Clara. During this year in Paris, when he lived separately from wife and daughter, Rilke wrote a daily letter about the art he had seen to her. As an artist, Clara found herself committed to childcare, but she must have valued these letters because she saved them.

We don't know what Clara thought about the distance a child had placed between her and her own creative practice.  

Am I changing the “subject”?

October 14, 1907. Paris.

The date and place have not changed. The aforementioned letter from Rilke to Clara continues.

Rilke seems interested in the sounds of Cezanne's colors in The Black Marble Clock:

Although one of his idiosyncrasies is to use pure chrome yellow and burning lacquer red in his lemons and apples, he knows how to contain their loudness within the picture: cast into a listening blue, as if into an ear, it receives a silent response from within, so that no one outside needs to think himself addressed or accosted. His still lifes are so wonderfully occupied with themselves…

Pure chrome yellow and burning lacquer red are "loud" to Rilke. And Cezanne "contains" this loudness by adding a "listening blue."

Cezanne painted his first still-life, Still-Life with White Bread (1865), the year prior to this. I am definitely changing the subject.

The world of the painting: Donald Barthelme on Joyce.

In an essay titled “After Joyce” (1964, I think), Donald Barthelme tried to defend non-representational art from its critics, particularly those who felt ‘alienated’ by the absence of lyrical proximity. I will excerpt a few parts (and italicize the phrases that glimmer to me):

Satisfied with neither the existing world nor the existing literature, Joyce and Stein modify the world by adding to its store of objects the literary object— which is then encountered in the same way as other objects in the world. The question becomes: What is the nature of the new object? Here one can see an immediate result of the shift. Interrogating older works, the question is: what do they say about the world and being in the world? But the literary object is itself "world" and the theoretical advantage is that in asking it questions you are asking questions of the world directly. This sounds like a species of ventriloquism— the writer throwing his voice. But it is, rather, a stunning strategic gain for the writer. He has in fact removed himself from the work, just as Joyce instructed him to do. The reader is not listening to an authoritative account of the world delivered by an expert (Faulkner on Mississippi, Hemingway on the corrida) but bumping into something that is there, like a rock or refrigerator. 

Barthelme turns abruptly to modern painting here:

The question so often asked of modern painting, "What is it?" contains more than the dull skepticism of the man who is not going to have the wool pulled over his eyes. It speaks of a fundamental placement in relation to the work, that of a voyager in the world coming upon a strange object. The reader reconstitutes the work by his active participation, by approaching the object, tapping it, shaking it, holding it to his ear to hear the roaring within.

It is characteristic of the object that it does not declare itself all at once, in a rush of pleasant naiveté. Joyce enforces the way in which Finnegans Wake is to be read. He conceived the reading to be a lifetime project, the book remaining always there, like the landscape surrounding the reader's home or the buildings bounding the reader's apartment. The book remains problematic, unexhausted. 

As I turn abruptly to twitter and Brian Davey:


Joyce gives us “a linguistically exciting surface, dense, glittering, here opaque, here transparent,” Barthelme says. And there are worlds of possibility in these perversions, I think.

“Joyce he proceeds like a man weaving a blanket of what might be found in a hardware store,” adds Barthelme. “The strangeness of his project is an essential part of it, almost its point. The fabric falls apart, certainly, but where it hangs together we are privileged to encounter a world made new.” As for Gertrude Stein, her words and syntax also reveal “a willingness to follow language wherever it leads (and if it leads nowhere, to make capital of that).”

Joyce "defended his language... as a largely emotional medium built up by sifting and agglutination... " (Ellman)

"I very recently met a man who said, how do you do. A splendid story." (Stein)

“These perversities answer perfectly Valéry's specifications.” (Barthelme)

“Using this as an opportunity to once again post the syllabus Barthelme assigned his students. Ishmael Reed! Paley! Bernhard!” (Davey)

Finally, after much digression, I return to the essay that isn’t the clock or the letter in Paris. “It has been argued that the ontological status of the literary work has always been just this, that Pilgrim's Progress is an "object" in this sense just as Finnegans Wake is,” continues Barthelme, “but such arguments ignore the changed situation that ensues when the writer is aware of and exploits the possibilities of this special placement.”

And now comes the lovely finale:

Joyce and Stein reap the benefits of a new strategy. Their creations modify the beholder. I do not think it fanciful, for instance, to say that Governor Rockefeller, standing among his Mirós and de Koonings, is worked upon by them, and if they do not make a Democrat or a Socialist of him they at least alter the character of his Republicanism. Considered in this light, Soviet hostility to "formalist" art becomes more intelligible, as does the antipathy of senators, mayors and chairmen of building committees. In the same way, Joyce's book works its radicalizing will upon all men in all countries, even upon those who have not read it and will never read it.

The art changes us and we change it in turn. If I had a wife and a child, I’d be tempted to write a letter and tell them all about it.

Walking, writing, and writing from walking.

I got sucked into this mesmerizing video essay by Adrian Martin and Cristina Álvarez López, a montage of the walkers that move through Philippe Garrel’s films. The essay traces the arc of the Garrelian story—the elements of that loosely autobiographical “novel” which he endlessly takes up in different configurations, from different angles—through the juxaposition of his walkers.

As captioned by MUBI:

People alone, brooding or dazed; encounters with a passer-by on the street, seemingly casual but forever life-changing; the romantic couple, walking forward with the camera, or off into the distance and the future, like in a Charlie Chaplin movie; and the “holy family” of man, woman, and child all together, no matter by what strange, fortuitous, or circuitous path that trio may have come to be formed.

Watch “Garrel’s Walkers” with sound.

Then watch it without sound.

Put on some music (preferably without lyrics) and get your notebook. Watch the video as one might watch people passing on a street and write what you see.

Tell the stories that appear.

Note the pauses where walking ceases: place a “(rest)” in those areas of your notes.

Then go back and make a list of what each rest indicates—- or what is at stake in each rest. Is the trajectory of that rest inscribed in the next instant, or does the trajectory reach far into the future? What color does a rest evoke? What background noise situates the different rest in relation to what the walkers might later remember of it, if they look back?

On lyrics: "And when I touch you, you don't *feel* a thing..."

"Heightened sexual situations provide catharsis . . . letting us say the things we might feel deeply but are anxious to discuss, a smashing together of Eros and Thanatos."

– Cody Delistraty

I.

Co-incidences abound.

I say this because Cody Delistraty's essay, "Sex and Death,” was published a few days before my review of Alison Strayer's translation of The Uses of Photography by Annie Ernaux and Marc Marie appeared in LARB—- and maybe the poetics of coincidence has been on my mind lately.

Leaving my mind to the side for a moment, Delistraty begins by meditating on the abjected subjects that populate Egon Schiele's art, and then moves into the subtext of perversion and perversity. The moral hygiene surrounding sex and death creates a generalized discursive prudery (one could say it emerges from 'prudence') that stymies discussion of what makes us human. We are the animals who know we will die. If grief is characterized by "catastrophizing," as Delistrary notes, then sex is the catastrophic writ large. The dissolution of the boundary between self and other, or life and death, complicates the expectations of presence – of 'being there for,' so to speak. In Delistraty's description of grief-related sex, one secures release rather than closure. Closure is bad infinity. Conceptually, closure serves various nameless others by making loss invisible, rendering its expression dirty. Dignity is what is at stake in Schiele's art as well as the way we respond to death.

II.

Another co-inciding (or perhaps co-inciting) thing is Delistray’s reference to J. G. Ballard's novel, Crash, which many humans have seen in its movie form, as a 1996 film directed by David Cronenberg.

Speaking to Tom Vanderbilt about the relationship between the novel and the movie, Cronenberg said:

“Flaubert once said that the more bourgeois you can be in your life, the more radical you can be in your art—something along those lines—and certainly that was Ballard,” said Cronenberg. Of Crash, Delistraty ties the crash’s confrontation of death to a sort of “transcendence by way of fetishisation”.

“He never wavered,” Cronenberg said.

III.

And there is a different coincidence at play here—-one that won’t be recognizable to most people. The context for U2’s “Stay (Faraway, So Close)” is a different film, namely, Wim Wenders’ Wings of Desire. But that is the objective context; subjective contexts differ.

There is a relationship between what the girl in this song wants and what the players of the Crash game want . . .

Dressed up like a car crash
Your wheels are turning but you're upside down
You say when he hits you, you don't mind
Because when he hurts you, you feel alive
Is that what it is

To quote Rainer Maria Rilke’s letter to Inga Junghanns (dated January 5, 1921): “because the whole is too infinite, and we recover by calling it for a while by the name of one love, much as it is just this impassioned restriction that puts us in the wrong, makes us guilty, kills us …”

What it is cannot be severed from what it was.

Donald Barthelme on "Not Knowing"

1. ‘THORNY MATTERS’

Returning to Donald Barthelme’s “Not Knowing,” an essay on writing that deserves a few excerpts. Admittedly, I have completely ignoring DB’s paragraph breaks and replaced them with my own, for my own purposes, which remain unknown to me:

These are by no means the only thorny matters with which writer has to deal, nor (allowing for the very great differences am the practitioners under discussion) does every writer called “modern” respond to them in the same way and to the same degree nor is it the case that other writers of quite different tendencies innocent of these concerns. If I call these matters "thorny," because any adequate attempt to deal with them automatically creates barriers to the ready assimilation of the work.


2. ‘DIFFICULT ART’

OF “difficult art”— Barthelme doesn’t distinguish between the actually difficult and the merely moody, or the obfuscation of difficulty beneath one of those paintings that is purchased to match the living room:

Art is not difficult because it wishes to be difficult, but because it wishes to be art.

However much the writer might long to be, in his work, simple, honest, and straightforward, these virtues are no longer available to him. He discovers that in being simple, honest, and straightforward, nothing much happens: he speaks the speakable, whereas what are looking for is the as-yet unspeakable, the as-yet unspoken.


3. ‘PROBLEMS’

Art exists because problems exist, and artists are humans who relate to problems in a particular fashion:

Problems in part define the kind of work the writer chooses to do, and are not to be avoided but embraced.

A writer, says Karl Kraus, is a man who can make a riddle out of an answer.


4. REPETITION (‘MASTURBATORY’ ISSUES)

“Let me begin again,” Barthelme asserts, with a finger raised to Beckett’s wind:

Jacqueline and Jemima are instructing Zeno, who has returned the purloined GRE documents and is thus restored to dull respectability, in Postmodernism. Postmodernism, they tell him, has turned its back on the world, is not about the world but about its own processes, is masturbatory, certainly chilly, excludes readers by design, speaks only to the already tenured, or does not speak at all […]

The fictional scenario of the critic who serves as a guard at the art museum returns.

Barthelme includes it because he wants us to understand that the work of literature is philosophy, or an effort to think-through the world. So here is the scene (with my paragraph breaks rather than Barthelme’s):

Gaston, the critic who is a guard at the Whitney Museum, is in love with an IRS agent named Madelaine, the very IRS agent, in fact, who is auditing my return for the year 1982.

"Madelaine," I say kindly to her over lunch, "semiotics is in a position to claim that no phenomenon has any ontological status outside its place in the particular information system from which it draws its meaning, and therefore, all language is finally groundless, including that of those funny little notices you've been sending me."

"Yes," says Madelaine kindly, pulling from her pocket a large gold pocket watch that Alphonse has sold Gaston for twenty dollars, her lovely violet eyes atwitter, "but some information systems are more enforceable than others."

Alas, she’s right.


5. ‘TYRANNY OF GREAT EXPECTATIONS’

Then Barthelme ventures into the paradox of mystery, which is something the critic wants to ‘solve’ rather than appreciate as central to the work.

Each piece has its own mystery. Some pieces numb themselves with the aesthetics of mystery in order to guise their commitment to vagueness. How do we read against the desire to box categorically, and then find meaning based on the relation to the box?

I would argue that in the competing methodologies of contemporary criticism, many of them quite rich in implications, a sort of tyranny of great expectations obtains, a rage for final explanations, a refusal to allow a work that mystery which is essential to it. I hope I am not myself engaging in mystification if I say, not that the attempt should not be made, but that the mystery exists. I see no immediate way out of the paradox—-tear a mystery to tatters and you have tatters, not mystery—I merely note it and pass on.

This “rage for final explanations” is one that Samuel Beckett spent a lifetime parodying and emptying.


6. ‘THE GOAT GIRDLED WITH A TIRE’

Now Bartheleme approaches a particular work of art by Robert Rauschenberg, namely, Monogram (1955-6), a piece that boasts a goat and a tire:

We can, however, wonder for a moment why the goat girdled with its tire is somehow a magical object, rather than, say, only a dumb idea. Harold Rosenberg speaks of the contemporary artwork as "anxious," as wondering: Am I a masterpiece or simply a pile of junk? (If I take many of my examples here from the art world rather than the world of literature it is because the issues are more quickly seen in terms of the first: "goat" and "tire" are standing in for pages of prose, pounds of poetry.

It’s not secret that Robert Rauschenberg influenced Barthelme’s artistic process as well as his aesthetic interest in messiness. We are given messiness as a condition of thought. Messiness is one Eden wherein art thinks itself and stories the problems it wishes to approach:

Let us discuss the condition of my desk. It is messy, mildly messy.

The messiness is both physical (coffee cups, cigarette ash) and spiritual (unpaid bills, unwritten novels).

The scene is set; the author will move into the problem, which is a word for the interior of any human sitting before a desk:

The emotional life of the man who sits at the desk is also messy—I am in love with a set of twins, Hilda and Heidi, and in a fit of enthusiasm I have joined the Bolivian army. The apartment in which the desk is located seems to have been sublet from Moonbeam McSwine. In the streets outside the apartment melting snow has revealed a choice assortment of decaying et cetera. Furthermore, the social organization of the country is untidy, the world situation in disarray. How do I render all this messiness, and if I succeed, what have I done?

In a commonsense way we agree that I attempt to find verbal equivalents for whatever it is I wish to render. The unpaid bills are easy enough. I need merely quote one: FINAL DISCONNECT NOTICE.

Hilda and Heidi are somewhat more difficult. I can say that they are beautiful—why not? — and you will more or less agree, although the bald statement has hardly stirred your senses. I can describe them— Hilda has the map of Bolivia tattooed on her right cheek and Heidi habitually wears, on her left hand, a set of brass knuckles wrought of solid silver-and they move a step closer. Best of all, perhaps, I can permit them to speak, for they speak much as we do.

"On Valentine's Day," says Hilda, "he sent me oysters, a dozen and a half."

"He sent me oysters too," said Heidi, "two dozen."

"Mine were long-stemmed oysters," says Hilda, "on a bed of the most wonderful spinach."

Etc. etc.


7. ‘HALOS, PATINAS, OVERHANGS, ECHOES’

The dialogue between characters reveals part of the social organization, or the concerns that adjudicate status among humans. There’s that. So Barthelme returns to an explanation of the “messiness”—- this explanation just so happens to double as an exquisite lesson on what words can do to each other if we sit them side by side in a train, like two strangers, before entering a destination and committing ourselves to watching them for the duration of the ride.

Let’s start with chocolate, in B’s words:

The words with which I attempt to render "messy," like any other words, are not inert, rather they are furiously busy. We do not mistake the words the taste of chocolate for the taste of chocolate itself, but neither do we miss the tease in taste, the shock in chocolate.

Words have halos, patinas, overhangs, echoes.

The word halo, for instance, may invoke St. Hilarius, of whom we've seen too little lately. The word patina brings back the fine petery shine on the saint's hale. The word overhang reminds us that we have, hanging over us, a dinner date with St. Hilarius, that crashing bore. The word echo restores us to Echo herself, poised like the White Rock girl on the overhang of a patina of a halo in firm ground, we don't want the poor spirit to pitch into the pond where Narcissus blooms eternally, they will bump foreheads, or maybe other parts closer to the feet, a scandal.

There's chocolate smeared all over Hilarius' halo, messy, messy.

Messiness is holy, hallowed, delicious. Barthelme makes sure this is clear:

The combinatorial agility of words, the exponential generation of meaning once they're allowed to go to bed together, allows the writer to surprise himself, makes art possible, reveals how much of Being we haven't yet encountered.


8. ‘CRITIC-COMPUTERS’

Obviously, the work changes. Many of Barthelme’s short fictions began as novels; he wrote them and then gutted their corpses for a material to reframe in shorter form. The book you begin is rarely the one you publish.

At one point, Barthelme talks about A.I.—which was quite far away on the horizon in those pre-internet days. But it is interesting anyway:

It could be argued that computers can do this sort of thing for us, with critic-computers monitoring their output. When computers learn how to make exes, artists will be in serious trouble. But artists will respond in such a way as to make art impossible for the computer. They will define art to take into account (that is, to exclude) technology— photography's impact upon painting and painting's brilliant response being a clear and comparatively recent example.

Art will be fine. Barthelme believes this. The novel isn’t dead. Anytime a critic claims the novel is dead, what they need is a good vacation and a very demanding pet to distract them from the feeling that everything resembles itself. It’s easy to lose our capacity for discernment. It’s easy to burn out like a candle inside a rotting jack o lantern. We should anticipate that and make adjustments for it.

9. ‘THE ADVANTAGES OF OUR DISADVANTAGES’

“The prior history of words is one of the aspects of language the world uses to smuggle itself into the work,” Barthelme writes. “If words can be contaminated by the world, they can also carry with them into the trace elements of world which can be used in a positive sense.”

And so: “We must allow ourselves the advantages of our disadvantages.”

Life, like fiction, is filled with the messes of living:

A late bulletin: Hilda and Heidi have had a baby, with which hey're thoroughly displeased, it's got no credit cards and can't peak French, they'll send it back... Messy.

10. ‘TO IMAGINE AGAIN’

He ends with a few notes on style, and on the responsibility of imagining ‘again’. I leave him to do it:

Style is not much a matter of choice. One does not sit down to write and think: Is this poem going to be a Queen Anne poem, a Biedermeier poem, a Vienna Secession poem, or a Chinese Chippendale.

Art cannot remain in one place. A certain amount of movement, up, down, across, even a gallop toward the past, is a necessary precondition.

Style enables us to speak, to imagine again.

Beckett speaks of "the long sonata of the dead" —where on earth did the word sonata come from, imposing as it does an orderly, even exalted design upon the most disorderly, distressing phenomenon known to us? The tact is not challenged, but understood, momentarily, in a new way.

It's our good fortune to be able to imagine alternative realities, other possibilities. We can quarrel with the world, constructively (no one alive has quarreled with the world more extensively or splendidly than Beckett).

"Belief in progress," says Baudelaire, "is a doctrine of idlers and Belgians."

Perhaps.

But if I have anything unorthodox to offer here, it's that I think art's project is fundamentally ameliorative. The aim of meditating about the world is finally to change the world. It is this meliorative aspect of literature that provides its ethical dimension. We are all Upton Sinclairs, even that Hamlet, Stéphane Mallarmé.

Robert Rauschenberg with “Interview” (1955), “Untitled” (ca. 1954), the second state of “Monogram” (1955–59; second state 1956–58), “Bed” (1955), and “Odalisk” (1955/1958) in his Front Street studio, New York, NY, United States, 1958. Photo: Kay Harris

The list of "certain questions of a theological nature" from Molloy.

Matt Seidel said Molloy was Samuel Beckett’s “great road novel,” and I think it is, since every road novel runs the route of the mind traveling back to childhood, encountering himself in the daydreaming child who wanders around the village looking for a bicycle. Even if the father is Penelope and the son is Odysseus.

There is much to be said of the home-going scenes, particularly when the son makes a conscious effort to ignore the sirens of the field, namely the "friends in human shape and the phantoms of the dead that tried to prevent" him from returning. On this long walk, the young son cogitates and comes up with a list of questions. Here is the passage:

But I shall not dwell upon this journey home, its furies and treacheries. And I shall pass over in silence the fiends in human shape and the phantoms of the dead that tried to prevent me from getting home, in obedience to Youdi's command.

But one or two words nevertheless, for my own edification and to prepare my soul to make an end. To begin with my rare thoughts.

Certain questions of a theological nature preoccupied me strangely.

As for example,

  1. What value is to be attached to the theory that Eve sprang, not from Adam's rib, but from a tumor in the fat of his leg (arse?)?

  2. Did the serpent crawl or, as Comestor affirms, walk upright?

  3. Did Mary conceive through the ear, as Augustine and Adobard assert?

  4. What is one to think of the Irish oath sworn by the natives with the right hand on the relics of the saints and the left on the virile member?

  5. Does nature observe the sabbath?

  6. Is it true that the devils do not feel the pains of hell?

  7. The algebraic theology of Craig. What is one to think of this?

  8. Is it true that the infant Saint-Roch refused suck on Wednesdays and Fridays?

  9. What is one to think of the excommunication of vermin in the sixteenth century?

  10. Is one to approve of the Italian cobbler Lovat who, having cut off his testicles, crucified himself?

  11. What was God doing with himself before the creation?

  12. Might not the beatific vision become a source of boredom, in the long run?

  13. Is it true that Judas' torments are suspended on Saturdays?

  14. What if the mass for the dead were read over the living?

And I recited the pretty quietist Pater, Our Father who art no more in heaven than on earth or in hell, I neither want nor desire that thy name be hallowed, thou knowest best what suits thee. Etc. The middle and the end are very pretty.

It was in this frivolous and charming world that I took refuge, when my cup ran over.

But I asked myself other questions concerning me perhaps more closely. As for example,

  1. Why had I not borrowed a few shillings from Gaber?

  2. Why had I obeyed the order to go home?

  3. What had become of Molloy?

  4. Same question for me.

  5. What would become of me?

  6. Same question for my son.

  7. Was his mother in heaven?

  8. Same question for my mother.

  9. Would I go to heaven?

  10. Would we all meet again in heaven one day, I, my mother, my son, his mother, Youdi, Gaber, Molloy, his mother, Yerk, Murphy, Watt, Camier and the rest?

  11. What had become of my hens, my bees? Was my grey hen still living?

  12. Zulu, the Elsner sisters, were they still living?

  13. Was Youdi's business address still 8, Acacia Square? What if I wrote to him? What if I went to see him? I would explain to him. What would I explain to him? I would crave his forgiveness. Forgiveness for what?

  14. Was not the winter exceptionally severe?

  15. How long had I gone now without either confession or communion?

  16. What was the name of the martyr who, being in prison, loaded with chains, covered with wounds and vermin, unable to stir, celebrated the consecration on his stomach and gave himself absolution?

  17. What would I do until my death? Was there no means of hastening this, without falling into a state of sin?

Samuel Beckett. "Molloy." The Selected Works of Samuel Beckett: Volume II: 160-162.

A poem and 2 things: Louise Bogan's "Words for Departure"

Only music can create an indestructible complicity between two persons. A passion is perishable, it decays like everything that part takes of life, whereas music is of an essence superior to life and, of course, to death.  

—- Emil Cioran, Anathemas and Admirations

Emil Cioran calls it sublimity. Across decades of words and texts, music shuts him up and pours the ineffable all over his head.

There’s a part in Anathemas and Admirations where Cioran sits inside the stone womb (or the tomb-birthing chapel) of Saint-Severin and listens to an organist playing through Bach's fugues, calling this moment "the refutation of all my anathemas." 

Like music, poetry is composed from sound and silence, two materials which invoke each other and are figured in different ways. Because the resonant sound of a text is subjective, depending on the reader's relationship to sound, the text exists in relationship to the reader's sonic experience. 

"Mute" suggests an inability to speak, or a state of speechlessness which may be imposed from the outside or chosen as a response. But to be muted is to be rendered inaudible, to have one's volume turned down. To say that 'I muted myself' is jarring, since the conventional use of a muted female involves being rendered silent, and then being determined to be complicit in that silence, insinuating that  muteness, as a condition, inscribes the power of the world over the sound one can make. Watching someone go rapt over music is like watching their face during sex, or realizing they love it.

Thelonious Monk and Charlie Rouse playing Epistropy on my wedding dress.


WORDS FOR DEPARTURE


 Louise Bogan



Nothing was remembered, nothing forgotten.
When we awoke, wagons were passing on the warm summer pavements,
The window-sills were wet from rain in the night,
Birds scattered and settled over chimneypots
As among grotesque trees.

Nothing was accepted, nothing looked beyond.
Slight-voiced bells separated hour from hour,
The afternoon sifted coolness
And people drew together in streets becoming deserted.
There was a moon, and light in a shop-front,
And dusk falling like precipitous water.

Hand clasped hand
Forehead still bowed to forehead—
Nothing was lost, nothing possessed
There was no gift nor denial.



2.

I have remembered you.
You were not the town visited once,
Nor the road falling behind running feet.

You were as awkward as flesh
And lighter than frost or ashes.

You were the rind,
And the white-juiced apple,
The song, and the words waiting for music.

 

3.

You have learned the beginning;
Go from mine to the other.

Be together; eat, dance, despair,
Sleep, be threatened, endure.
You will know the way of that.

But at the end, be insolent;
Be absurd—strike the thing short off;
Be mad—only do not let talk
Wear the bloom from silence.

And go away without fire or lantern
Let there be some uncertainty about your departure.

 

Anna Karina and Jean-Luc Godard.